TRIGGER WARNING:RAPE

Dear OKCupid,

I would like to file a report about the user named BiologyGeek per the Terms of Use violations listed on the https://www.okcupid.com/legal/safety-tips page of the OkCupid.com website. I decided to do this after discussing the events that occurred during the first two dates that I had with BiologyGeek with close friends and family who I trust. In retrospect, I should have blocked all contact with this user immediately after our first date. Unfortunately, infatuation clouded my better judgement and lead me to dismiss his actions that should have been a red flag as just his way of being flirty, playful, and expressing his attraction.

I had two dates with BiologyGeek. Both dates began at well lit, public, venues (a coffee house and a movie theater). On both dates he suggested taking walks and we ended up at parks that happened to be nearby. On both dates he quickly escalated physical contact from holding hands and friendly hugging in more publicly visible areas to aggressive kissing and ultimately unwelcome touching in secluded areas or during times that were more secluded.

At various times during the first date, after we had moved to the park, he attempted to put one or both of his hands and arms all the way inside my pants . Each time I had to tell him no more than once and forcefully grab his arms to keep him from putting his hands in further. On several of these attempts I had to actually lift his hands out of my pants. Near the end of the first date, I thought we came to an understanding of what I was and wasn’t  acceptable to me as he apologized and stated that it was important to him that I felt safe.

During our second date, we were sitting on a picnic table talking in a well traveled, and well lit portion of the park near the movie theater where our date began. He very quickly and unexpectedly thrust his hand into the front of both my jeans and underwear and proceeded to grope me for several minutes while I repeatedly told him no and tried in vain to remove his hand and arm from inside of my clothing. He stopped only when he thought he saw someone walking their dog in the distance. Shortly after we both left the park and he returned to more familiar and acceptable behavior, leading me to naively second guess myself about his intentions and what had transpired.

The next day, he sent me unsolicited pictures of himself naked. After chatting for a few minutes on Google hangouts, he initiated an unexpected video call where he was inexplicably naked. After talking to him for a while, he expressed that he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable and wouldn’t do anything that would make me feel unsafe.

Under these pretenses we engaged in a consensually sexual relationship that mutually ended after about a week. We have continued to exchange messages over another service for the last few weeks.  Unfortunately our conversations over the past few days ended badly to the point where I felt I needed to block all possible channels of communication last night with this person.

This is what rape culture looks like, up close, and uncomfortably personal. Invoking confusion in educated people about their sanity when the switch is turned on or off, seeming nice enough until the date turns more secluded, being overly pushy. saying No means No in all but practice. This may be a case of intentionally obscuring his intent, or not knowing that the hell he’s being asked.

No, the offender’s anonymity was not granted in this case, because it’s a user name first off, but also because this is a warning to others about the shit this guy pulls that goes against what he answered. This is a rapist waiting to happen. Please avoid at all costs.

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